So, remember when I started to tell you about the night I asked Natali to be my girlfriend? Well, before I share that tale, I have to go back into the story a bit. Let’s go back to week two of our hot and heavy pursuit of lust (not love) and happiness. Yes, lust. Buckle up, folks.
When it came to Natali, there was something about her that drove me crazy. Not the “I’m scared for my life” type of crazy. It was the “I can’t control myself because I want to jump your bones” type of crazy. Before Natali, I’ve never dealt with this type of temptation in my life. I’ve been physically and sexually attracted to women for decades and I’ve placed myself in certain situations that were not ideal for a young man waiting for sex until marriage. But with Natali, the first two weeks consisted of a lot of kissing, touching and rubbing against each other. Things naturally progressed into deeper and more passionate affection, as we continued to play with fire knowing the temperature would keep rising and overheat if we stayed in the lustful kitchen of sin.
When I asked Natali to be my girlfriend, I rented out a dope room at the Cosmopolitan Hotel on The Strip. The room was player: It had all of the bells and whistles, however, it wasn’t complete. I had to add a few personal touches to the room. Cupcakes from Natali’s favorite spot. Smooth R&B playlist on Pandora. Rose petals across the entire room, bedroom and bathroom. You would have thought I was proposing to Natali that day but I wasn’t. I just wanted to do something “special” for her so she would know that I was serious about her and our future relationship. Once Natali got to the room, she was speechless. She became extremely emotional because no man had ever done anything like this before. It was almost Pretty Woman-like, except I wasn’t balling like that dude and she wasn’t a prostitute. You get the picture. After feelings and emotions were at an all-time high, something happened for the first time. We had oral sex and no, that was not a typo. That went down, literally.
Now that we graduated to the next step sexually within our relationship, life started to come at us fast. I was brand new at this thing and I clearly did not know what I was getting myself into. I had conversations with my boys, Chris and Mark, and they tried to help me the best way they knew how. When I expressed the desire to take it there, they both said “Be ready” for everything that comes with it. In my best Kevin Hart voice, I was not ready. We weren’t even supposed to be in this position. Natali supported my decision to wait, but also wanted to have sex with me. I wanted it bad too but at the end of the day, I just didn’t do a good enough job being firm in my faith. I never blamed Natali for anything because I made the decision to give into temptation. No one forced me or had a gun to my face. However, I knew that if we contined down this path, I wouldn’t be a virgin too much longer.
Maybe Vegas as a whole was finally getting to me? I felt like I was beginning to lose myself and that wasn’t cool. I was technically still a virgin but I knew I wasn’t living right. I felt like I needed to get baptized again! Being in the same bed as Natali didn’t help my situation or Natali’s. For her, it was even more frustrating. Natali was a believer, but she wasn’t a virgin and wasn’t used to waiting for sex. So, with us “starting up the car” and never finishing the job, she was ready to GO! All the time! Just the pressure of knowing that was way too much for me to handle, and I knew it wasn’t fair to her either, so we had to switch it up. We started practicing abstinence for an entire month, which helped us a great deal, but it did not solve our problem. We were back to our old ways right after the 30 days ended. Smh.
Even though Natali and I were on the same page physically, we were off track in every other aspect in life. Overall, our relationship became stale ala cold pizza. Natali was always in a bad mood and didn’t want me around all the time anymore. Whenever we did hang out, it was mostly in a group setting (at the club). Natali started going back to her partying ways and always wanted me to party with her (knowing that partying wasn’t my thing). I compromised and went out with her (weekly) but it didn’t help our situation. I only did it because I wanted to satisfy her and since I wasn’t having the time of my life every time we went out, I became a downer to Natali’s mood = a vibe killer.
After doing some self-reflection, I realized that I had to break free from this toxic relationship. Listen, I take full responsibility in playing a major part in this situation. If I would have stood tall in my faith early on, maybe we would have never gotten together. Who knows? The thing I did know was that I needed to get out. Essentially, Natali didn’t know what she wanted in her life at that time and I couldn’t wait any longer for her to figure it out.
Once I ended the relationship, Natali was pretty upset. Natali told me that she wanted to literally burn her bed, the same bed we used to sleep in at night together. She wanted no living memory of me in her life anymore and I actually had no problem with that moving forward.